OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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