Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
