Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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