As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
