these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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