he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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