im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize