yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
