oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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