I wish my penis had an off switch
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
