Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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