you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
