Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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