I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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