Your dad touched me again.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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