you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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