I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
