We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize