I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This is classic penis vs brain.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
