so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
