Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
