is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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