i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
