420 ftw
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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