We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
