if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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