My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize