On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
