I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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