Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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