I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And then my night got REAL pukey
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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