I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
