I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
