and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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