Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
