What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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