So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
