I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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