Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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