I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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