Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
