You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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