I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize