those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize