Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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