he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
