got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
