At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
