sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
