Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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