so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
