i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
