OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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