if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
