Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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