I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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