They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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