I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
