I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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