best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
