Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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