I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
