you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
