I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize