I wanna bring you to show and tell
I think my fart just growled at me.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
