we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
