What did we do last night that was yellow?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
