I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
