I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
