I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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