I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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