I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
