oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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