Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
