even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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