Can i not drive my cunt home
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
