i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Randomize
